Can I not just forget?

Well I'm gonna need a little history for this one! So this guy, I'll call him Ponze, lol! (I probably won't remember that tomorrow.) I guess you can say I have this crazy crush on him. This is my problem. I don't think I can feel like this for too long. It seems so unhealthy, but I like it so much. I find myself thinking about him when in class, at home, everywhere. It's really quite sad I guess.

Well I met him while I was working. He was actually renting a video. He's kinda big, like football player big. Ha well considering he's a football player. He seems like your average jock. He definitely looked like one when he was standing there in his wifebeater and basketball shorts. He came up to the counter and of course I was intimidated, not because of his size but how cute he was. Up until this point I had only seen the back of him. Hey, that was pretty pleasant view too. Well, he asked me if we had a video in, then said "Don't make funna me, but I want the Lion King." I just smiled and said Yeah we probably do somewhere. He seemed a little embarrassed and then said it was for his little cousin. "Yeah, sure. Ha, it's cool Lion King's definitely a classic."

Now I'm thinking not only is he physically awesome but mentally too. I mean come one THE LION KING? =) I was even more shocked to know that he worked there too! Now I was fully in crush mode. Of course it wasn't nearly as strong as it is now. I mean I had no reason to believe this guy was gay... at all. No... like, AT ALL! Later on he would come into an aisle that I was working in and just chat, Eventually it was Halloween and I asked him his plans fully expecting him to say some college party or something. Well he said he was just going to sit around and watch scary movies! The essence of Halloween. He's just gotten 10x cuter to me. I totally missed the chance to sit with him and makeout watch scary movies.

Anyway I've begun to get more and more confused about his, well I guess, sexuality. Literally he comes around me and talks about movies that might have had a gay character in them. He knows a lot of hot male actors, and he likes them for their "acting skills." Like Hayden Christiansen or Jesse Metcalfe, and Jason Statham. I mean really, the only one with acting chops (and this is a big maybe) is Statham. Lol! He also doesn't know the names of many female celebs. He told me liked "That girl from 'That 70's Show!'" Yeah how about Mila Kunis.... Then he asked me if I were to "be with" any celebrity who would it be.... I said Keri Hilson. =( Anyway he even mixed up saying guy and girl before when talking about relationships. He sometimes calls me on the work phones when he knows I'm there, and when I don't pick up he tells me about it. He totally goes out of his way to say things to be when he sees me. And I always know he's happy when I'm around. :( I just wish I could tell him how happy he make me sometimes...

Then he goes on to flirt with random chicks. *sigh*

It also makes me jealous because he's really attractive, and these girls tend to respond. Smiles, second looks and the like! I couldn't do that even if I did try to flirt. I'm not that sexy.

Today I got this text from my friend D sayin "I think you're right about R. liking Ponze.".... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? That is not something I wanted to be right about! R. is D's friend. And R, for lack of better phrasing, likes to sleep and flirt with guys... a lot. Will she was talking to Ponze one day, giving him Maudi Gras beads and he said. "I'm not going to be able to fit those around my thick ass neck." I looked at him yeah he was right, it was pretty thick :)

Well R said exactly that, and then said something about getting a tattoo of her on his sexy neck and she'll be his boo. :( I proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth. I told D about this later and she reassured me that R flirts with everyone! She totally thinks Ponze is gay and wants him to admit it.... Then I get this fucking fantastic text! She doesn't flirt with ME! *sigh* I have sooo many feelings running through my head, jealousy, sadness, anger, and just plain fed up. I need to stop thinking about this guy. It just isn't healthy. I've never wanted to be one of those lame people crushing over someone that doesn't even notice them.