So I figured today I was going to have this EPIC post about how great my day was, how I'll be hanging out with T on Thursday, how I finished all my school work, and how I got my new shoes in the mail.
Well God was like "FUCK ALL OF THAT!!!"
My day sucked hairy giraffe balls. :( I did end up finishing my paper (full of bs) and doing okay on my final. So I guess the first 2hours of my day wasn't that bad. Then I went for a nap...
I kept waking up because I thought I heard someone knocking on the door! MY SHOES! I kept running to the door to see nothing but porch, grass, and fuck! :( Then I had to go to work. I didn't even get to talk to Dana much and T was there. :( I don't have fun when he's there. I concentrate too much on him. Plus the lack of sleep made me irritable. I went into full on jerk mode... I was only playing with him, and he knows it so it was okay. I feel like I'm still a little jealous of him and I want to make him feel bad because I know I'm smarter than him. I don't think that's the right way to approach it, and looking at it now makes me seem a little immature.
Now originally me and T we're supposed to hang by ourselves, BUT I wanted Dana to go and I guess so did T. Dana wanted to go too. So we decided "Why not?" I guess the plan is we're going to meet with Dana at around 7, go to the mall, then play some pool. I guess. :/ It's odd because I think it could be fun and then again it could go horribly wrong.
I have mixed feelings but because I didn't quite feel comfortable with hanging out with him by myself, but at the same time I wonder how much we're going to learn about each other with the three of us there. T_T I don't know. I need some sleep.
Btw T is a poor man's Reggie Bush. Hey it's not a bad thing it's just my most accurate portrayal.
Yet another final tomorrow.
Today is Let Down Day
Who? Steph Jones! Who?
Okay so I officially have another celebrity crush! I'm not going to post on Tae Yang because shots has that guy on lock.
Steph Jones is gorgeous!
He has a beautiful personality to boot! A little on the crazy side :) Reminds me of.... me! He's a cool guy
What a body!His lips are great too! very kissable.
I got this video from on youtube... This B. Scott person is weird but funny. Lol, when I saw it I skipped forward to see the part where he shows his tatoos!
I so woulda copped a feel. eh but that's just me.
Word to the Wise...
Do not fall for someone you're jealous of!
I really don't know what kind of advise this is, if it can be considered advice at all. I just fell into a trap. This guy I like, T, I think/thought was amazing. I don't think we have the best conversations but he's always managed to keep my interests. Physically however I'm very pleased with him. It never ceases to amaze me how physically attracted I am to him. Every time he comes around I want to just stare, but I know I can't. That would be too much. He has such a great ass. Football has done him VERY good.
It used to make me happy just to see him, but things have changed.
I get irritated when he comes around. When he talks to other people I get slightly jealous. He says things to me like "We're going to get you to fill out that shirt. You should come work out with us." or if some hot girl comes around he whispers, "I think she came here because of me." What the hell? Confidence is one thing... THAT! That is not confidence, it's arrogance. Arrogance in anyone pisses me off. Or am I just jealous. Maybe she did come over here because he's drop dead gorgeous. I mean, he does get ME going.
It sucks. I have such bad days when he's around. I can't always tell if he genuinely likes me as a person or if I'm just somebody else to talk to. I'm getting over him though... I don't think this is healthy. I never have. There's got to be somebody else out there for me.
PS: Never really got that saying... Why would I be giving advice TO the wise? I'm a dumbass I know.
Another First
So... after a hectic few hours today I decided to hang with D. Trust me, I have more friends but she's so monopolizing my time at the moment.... This is a good thing. She's super cool!!! After getting some Chipotle we were going to see The Watchmen, we ditched that idea. I mean nearly 3 hours in a theater does not sound appealing, no matter how comfortable the seats are. We decided to play pool.
There we're a few really cute Asian guys there. That made me happy. Later this guy came in with his girl. That was nice enough. They set up at the table right next to us. Everything was chill... until they started talking.
"Why the hell did you pick pool if you weren't good at it?!" This guy is an asshole to his girlfriend.
"Sorry baby." Submissive. That's cute, but so 1950's.
The guy spent the entire night criticizing her her pool skills. And he fuckin sucked too! I wanted to go over there and smash his head on the table and pretend it was the 8 ball. Too bad he was like 9 feet tall..... I have anger issues.
We left later on. I totally dominated by the way. I love you D! =) We we're going to go to our normal coffee shop but I decided I was okay with goin to the gay club... I wanted to try it. I was a little freaked. I kept thinkin about backin out everytime she asked "Are you sure you want to go?"
*FUCK NO!*.... "Ready as I'll ever be." I just hope no-one sees me. It's funny that people think that this will actually happen. I mean I'm in a city of hundreds of thousands of people why would I see someone I know?
So we walk in this small, almost dive bar type establisment. I was underwhelmed. I can't remember what song was playing but nothing of importance. Why was I suprised no-one looked like Tae Yang, Omarion, Gael Garcia Bernal, Bi-rain, Channing Tatum? High standards much? D then turns to me and says something unfortunate. "Jere's here."
What the hell? This guy works with me. We need to go. *sigh* I wasn't actually expecting the experience to be this.... well bad. I might go again but not expecting anything. At all. My first time at a gay club. Maybe second times a charm.... Whatever.
Back in Action?
The past few days have been hectic. I haven't really been able to see any of my friends, I've been insanely sick taking pills the size of my face, and I have a lot of midterm school work to do. I also kinda miss T. KINDA!
I don't know what to say really, I've been working so hard and subsequently getting stressed that I find no time in my life to cool down. I guess that's what lead to my being sick. Low immunity levels. I bought some Flintstones Gummies with extra C. Yes I am 21 years old. They smell bad, and they're expensive. I'm feeling a hell of a lot better now though.
Of all the school stuff I had to day was one of the most challenging days. I had 2 speeches and a test and a midterm due for the next day. Being sick does not help with your "vocal variety!" However I did well on both the speeches and I think I might have done okay on the test... :/ Who knows.
I feel like the biggest weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I want to exclusively concentrate on guys. I just feel lonely now. Accomplished but no one to share the relief with. :(
One day.... One day.
Can I not just forget?
Well I'm gonna need a little history for this one! So this guy, I'll call him Ponze, lol! (I probably won't remember that tomorrow.) I guess you can say I have this crazy crush on him. This is my problem. I don't think I can feel like this for too long. It seems so unhealthy, but I like it so much. I find myself thinking about him when in class, at home, everywhere. It's really quite sad I guess.
Well I met him while I was working. He was actually renting a video. He's kinda big, like football player big. Ha well considering he's a football player. He seems like your average jock. He definitely looked like one when he was standing there in his wifebeater and basketball shorts. He came up to the counter and of course I was intimidated, not because of his size but how cute he was. Up until this point I had only seen the back of him. Hey, that was pretty pleasant view too. Well, he asked me if we had a video in, then said "Don't make funna me, but I want the Lion King." I just smiled and said Yeah we probably do somewhere. He seemed a little embarrassed and then said it was for his little cousin. "Yeah, sure. Ha, it's cool Lion King's definitely a classic."
Now I'm thinking not only is he physically awesome but mentally too. I mean come one THE LION KING? =) I was even more shocked to know that he worked there too! Now I was fully in crush mode. Of course it wasn't nearly as strong as it is now. I mean I had no reason to believe this guy was gay... at all. No... like, AT ALL! Later on he would come into an aisle that I was working in and just chat, Eventually it was Halloween and I asked him his plans fully expecting him to say some college party or something. Well he said he was just going to sit around and watch scary movies! The essence of Halloween. He's just gotten 10x cuter to me. I totally missed the chance to sit with him and makeout watch scary movies.
Anyway I've begun to get more and more confused about his, well I guess, sexuality. Literally he comes around me and talks about movies that might have had a gay character in them. He knows a lot of hot male actors, and he likes them for their "acting skills." Like Hayden Christiansen or Jesse Metcalfe, and 
Jason Statham. I mean really, the only one with acting chops (and this is a big maybe) is Statham. Lol! He also doesn't know the names of many female celebs. He told me liked "That girl from 'That 70's Show!'" Yeah how about Mila Kunis.... Then he asked me if I were to "be with" any celebrity who would it be.... I said Keri Hilson. =( Anyway he even mixed up saying guy and girl before when talking about relationships. He sometimes calls me on the work phones when he knows I'm there, and when I don't pick up he tells me about it. He totally goes out of his way to say things to be when he sees me. And I always know he's happy when I'm around. :( I just wish I could tell him how happy he make me sometimes...
Then he goes on to flirt with random chicks. *sigh*
It also makes me jealous because he's really attractive, and these girls tend to respond. Smiles, second looks and the like! I couldn't do that even if I did try to flirt. I'm not that sexy.
Today I got this text from my friend D sayin "I think you're right about R. liking Ponze.".... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? That is not something I wanted to be right about! R. is D's friend. And R, for lack of better phrasing, likes to sleep and flirt with guys... a lot. Will she was talking to Ponze one day, giving him Maudi Gras beads and he said. "I'm not going to be able to fit those around my thick ass neck." I looked at him yeah he was right, it was pretty thick :)
Well R said exactly that, and then said something about getting a tattoo of her on his sexy neck and she'll be his boo. :( I proceeded to throw up a little in my mouth. I told D about this later and she reassured me that R flirts with everyone! She totally thinks Ponze is gay and wants him to admit it.... Then I get this fucking fantastic text! She doesn't flirt with ME! *sigh* I have sooo many feelings running through my head, jealousy, sadness, anger, and just plain fed up. I need to stop thinking about this guy. It just isn't healthy. I've never wanted to be one of those lame people crushing over someone that doesn't even notice them.
Primer!
This is My first post here! I really want to get it right this time... for ME! This is not going to be for anyone else. I really just want to put my life on here to document where I am, where I've been, and where I'm going.
So I guess I'll be starting with what's been going on this year. Well FIRST off I came out to two of my friends. =D I never thought it would happen at one point I thought I was going to die without ever having the courage to say anything. After that weight I feel like I can tell a few more! It makes me happy knowing that I have someone to talk to without holding back! I feel so much more comfortable saying things to and around her.... OH btw it's my friend D... (yes just her first initial til I figure out how I want to do this name thing). I don't know if it was a cop out or not because actually she's gay too and she told me before I told her! Like, weeks before I told her, and the only reason I said anything is because she kept talking to me about chicks. =( I had not fuckin clue what I was talking about so I was like "fuck it! I'm into dudes, I don't give a shit about chicks!"
.......
Awkward silence... It's all history after that lol!
Well on another note I
got a new camera!!!! It really, in itself, makes me happy! I went to Maudi Gras and took some pictures. Mostly of topless chicks... something still makes me feel like I need to do things like this to save my manhood... yeah I'll let that go soon. Hey, plus I was dragged there by my staight friends too so there, it wasn't my choice!
Anyway before that me and D went to City Diner and got some food. I wanted to test out my camera a bit but I forgot to take a picture of the food before I started eating it, lol! Soooooo yea, there it is, haha I tore into that thing!!!!
Later on I that week I went to a concert where one of my friend's friends was performing. The guy definitely called me "What's his name!" I totally wanted to fuck up his face. I mean We went to high school together! It's not like you're some big time performer. Fucking hemorrhoid!
Anyway I want to keep doing this. I'll totally post pictures that I take but ones that I think are HOT. Because I like guys... Yes I doooo!!!!!!